Life with Limited Spoons: Understanding Chronic Fatigue

I want to talk to you about spoons. Not the ones in your kitchen drawer; but something called The Spoon Theory. If you've never heard of it before, this simple metaphor explains what it's like to live with limited energy - whether due to chronic illness, fatigue, pain, or autoimmune conditions.

It comes from a woman named Christine Miserandino, who lives with lupus. She once described chronic illness as “having to make choices or to consciously think about things when the rest of the world doesn’t have to.” That quote stuck with me, and I think it perfectly captures what many of you experience on a daily basis. Christine’s original blog (which I’ll link below) explains the Spoon Theory beautifully, but let me break it down for you here.

What Is the Spoon Theory for Fatigue?

Christine used spoons to represent units of energy. A healthy person might start their day with an invisible stockpile of 100 spoons - more than enough to power through getting dressed, making breakfast, commuting to work, meeting friends, and heading to the gym.

But if you're living with chronic fatigue, fibromyalgia, lupus, or similar conditions; you might wake up with 10 spoons. Maybe even 5, depending on how your night went. And here’s the thing - everything costs a spoon. Showering, making toast, dealing with loud noises, being polite at work. All of it.

And when you run out? You either stop—or borrow spoons from tomorrow. But that’s like taking a high-interest loan: the payback can be brutal.

Why This Matters to Me

Now, before we get into science, I want to share why this metaphor means so much to me.

I work with women who are often told to just "push through" - that advice is not just unhelpful, it’s harmful. I’ve seen what happens when we ignore fatigue, pain, and overwhelm - burnout, disconnection, frustration & worsened symptoms.

When I trained as a Level 4 Back Pain Specialist, I realised the enormous difference I could make to someone’s daily life.

A client once told me, “You gave me my life back.”

That sentence lit a fire in me, and sparked my decision to move further into the world of Chronic fatigue & pain to help more people get their life back.

Since then, I’ve worked as a back care specialist with Help for Heroes 3 times - supporting the veterans and their families; I’m guest speaker for The Pain Relief Foundation this month in the Aintree Clinical Science Centre;, and I'm now in talks with national charities including the NRAS and Sarcoidosis UK.

What I help you to do is simple; but not easy. I help you to simplify your lifestyle, reframe & rethink your limiting beliefs, and rebuild new ones. And the Spoon Theory is one of the tools I use to help me do this.

Whilst the spoons are symbolic, the science behind this theory is very real - energy production, brain function, and nervous system load.

Mitochondria & Energy Deficits

If you live with Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, ME, Fibromyalgia, Lupus, or cancer-related fatigue; you likely experience mitochondrial dysfunction. That means your cells struggle to produce ATP - the main energy currency of the body.

You’re not just “tired.” Your cells are genuinely unable to generate energy efficiently. So when you wake up and feel like you’ve been hit by a truck, there’s a real reason.

Chronic illness and pain increase the Allostatic load - the “wear and tear” on the body from chronic stress responses. (Allostasis is The body's ability to maintain stability by adjusting to changing conditions, such as during stress).

Over time, this dysregulates the HPA (hypothalamic-pituitary-adrenal) axis & autonomic nervous system; causing reduced resilience to stressors (even small ones like getting dressed).

In spoon terms - You’re spending spoons just to maintain your baseline energy requirements of daily living..

Another layer of Chronic Fatigue is Neuroinflammation. This affects brain areas tied to motivation, memory, and executive function. The result? Brain fog.

Planning, deciding, remembering things - it all drains you. Cognitive energy is still energy, and it counts when it comes to your spoon budget.

So when you cancel plans, skip chores, or freeze when faced with decisions, it’s not laziness. You’re not unmotivated. You’re doing a cost - benefit analysis based on your spoon allowance for that day.

Effort Discounting: Why You Might have stopped even trying to make plans

Let’s say someone invites you for a long walk. But you calculate that it’ll cost 5 spoons. That’s nearly HALF your daily energy, without accounting for getting ready, getting there, and of course the social interactions.

You could go… but then you’ll be wiped out for the rest of the day. Or, you could suggest a shorter walk - maybe 3 spoons - so you still have spoons left to enjoy dinner with your kids.

This is what researchers call effort discounting. When the effort required is too great, even amazing rewards don’t feel worth it. You’re not being defeatist, you’re being realistic. You’re making smart choices based on your resources.

Think of it like calories: if you’re trying to stay within 1600 a day, that giant slice of cake that weighs in at 575 calories might not be worth it. You might opt for a smaller treat instead.

Same with your energy. You choose the smaller walk, or the shorter call, or the 10-minute tidy instead of the full clean. It’s smart budgeting.

One of the most beautiful things about this metaphor is how it makes people feel seen.

So many of my clients with chronic fatigue or pain have had awful experiences with medical professionals. They’ve been dismissed, disbelieved, or told to just “try harder.” But fatigue isn’t fixed with effort. It needs to be approached with compassion, pacing, and strategy. And the understanding that no 2 days are the same. Some days, you have more spoons, some days you’re left with a fork.

So the “energy creates energy cycle” - whilst still very much applicable & beneficial - needs serious adjustment for those of you living in a different reality of energy reserves.

Your system is already taxed. You don’t need motivational mantras. You need a plan that meets you where you are now.

Building a Spoon-Smart Life

In my coaching ‘Get Kinetic’ - I help you to create strategies that reflect and build on your baseline.

We track spoon costs for different tasks.

We plan ahead for high-spoon days.

We build resilience - not by pushing harder, but by pulling back and rebuilding smarter.

We start with small changes to make daily wins: move your body gently, celebrate progress, rest with purpose. Little by little, you regain control & confidence in your body - not because you’ve “fixed” the fatigue, but because you’ve learned to live alongside it with boundaries & plans.

Christine said: “I’ve learned to live life with an extra spoon in my pocket in reserve, because you always need to be prepared.”

That’s a mindset shift I believe more of us - not just those with chronic fatigue or pain - could benefit from. We’re constantly striving, pushing, chasing productivity.

Maybe it’s time we embraced & protected the energy we do have and used it wisely.

If this leaves you feeling like I’m talking directly to you - you’re navigating the complexities of chronic fatigue, pain, or just trying to reclaim your energy - I’d love to support you.

I use evidence-based strategies, personal empathic coaching, and my supportive, welcoming community to help you feel stronger, steadier, confident & HEARD.

It’s not in your head. You’re not weak or lazy. You’re not imagining it.

There is a way forward that is manageable, empathic, realistic and do-able.

Time to track your spoons, rewrite your story, and start building a life that works with your energy, not against it.

Until next time,

Kirsty

P.S - For support or enquiries - Click here to message me SPOONS & I’ll reach out to you

P.P.S - Here is the original Spoon Theory by CHRISTINE